Unfortunately I did not get a chance to journal the last couple of weeks due to some last minute issues with the show I’ve been directing.
It was great to be back in class last night, and I was especially happy to see that Missy Waaland was the “mystery returning student.” Missy and I worked together in Bard Fest’s Lysistrata a couple of years ago, and I’ve always admired her. Hopefully we will get a chance to work together.
I am also excited to be working with Christine for the next few weeks. We did the first “repetition” for our initial text. The big difference between this initial part of the text exercise is that instead of us creating the nerve based on the circumstances we create, Jolene gives us the nerve and we craft circumstances to support it. While it initially felt backwards, it’s more akin to working on a published play than a class exercise. The nerve that I am working with is “I must keep this all together,” and Christine’s is “I must find a way to break free.” We created our 4 cold facts together (former lovers at a spiritual retreat at Christmastime, and she had ghosted me a year ago), and I came up with the trigger that I had just found out that she was marrying my former best friend. I struggled a bit to find an IA that fit the circumstances and the nerve, but I eventually landed on constructing a pyramid out of round marbles in order to release myself because I am hurt. Overall I thought the exercise went well. I felt full, I felt like I connected with my IA, and I felt that I was letting myself be affected by Christine’s behavior. It was that last part that the commenters and Jolene disagreed with. I keep running into the same issue, particularly when I have the IA. I hold on so tightly to the Hot Who (in this case, “Gutless Weasel”) that I don’t leave any room to let my partner’s behavior affect me. Or maybe more accurately, I let their behavior affect me, but only through the lens of the Hot Who. At least that’s how I feel.
I think for next week I’m going to work on crafting a trigger and Hot Who that allow for more exploration, or openness, or whatever it is that I am not doing. I’m tired of continuing to get the same note week after week.