I missed posting about class last week, so I will do my best to recall how things went, as well as add my thoughts on last night’s class.
Overall, class on February 3rd went well. Lukas and I connected pretty well. I felt really good about my work, and the feedback I got supported that. I was able to leave myself alone, repeat, pick up and deal, and trust the exercise as much as possible while still not being 100% on lines.
Last night the scene went well. I felt really full when I entered, and the feedback I got was positive. I was a little concerned that I would be noted for “showing” emotion again as I felt very full and engaged, and emotionally I was pretty angry based on my crafting and circumstances. I know that there is a difference between experiencing emotions and showing emotions in a performative way, but for a fleeting second I became aware of my emotional state during the performance and questioned it’s validity.
Which brings me to something I want to ponder: while I know that the goal is to behave authentically moment to moment under imaginary circumstances, I have always had a little voice in my head when I am performing that reminds me that this is all make-believe. Over the years, and with more experience, the voice is not at the forefront of my awareness – it’s more an understanding that I have certain obligations as a performer to hit my marks, keep the pacing appropriate, and keep the audience and my fellow actors safe by not completely losing control. This is one of the reasons I like to learn my lines and blocking early and review them regularly – I don’t want to be in a position where I have to search for a word, or a movement because that WILL take me out of the moment. Lukas touched on this a bit when he was given a note about not following an instinct to push or hit me after I had thrown the prop he was using (an impulse I had). He mentioned his own awareness that he didn’t want to hit me (Eric). So, where is the line?