I had a good class last night. I was partnered with Sarah, and I ended up doing my IA first. Our circumstances were that we were roommates at the Stanford Behavioral Lab, being evaluated as candidates to be on the first colonization flight to Mars. My trigger was that I was told that she and I had just made it to the last round of testing. I chose as my activity bounding ping pong balls into a carafe to elevate myself. She was a devious cutthroat. Overall the exercise went well. I felt like I was not picking up on her behavior consistently, but the feedback we got didn’t indicate that. Just goes to show that I rarely know how I do in these exercises. Overall the feedback was good.
The second exercise Sarah had the IA. Circumstances were that we were future in-laws staying at an Air B&B the night before the wedding. My trigger was that I just found out that my son (Sarah’s fiancée) had run off with the maid of honor and left a Dear Jane letter. I had to find the letter and also leave as a gift a family heirloom that Sarah had admired to save face. When I walked in, Sarah was clearly devastated, so I suspected that she had crafted a similar trigger. Her commitment to her circumstances were so strong that I had no choice but to put my DAP on hold so that I could comfort her. It also changed in the moment the reason why I needed to complete my DAP – the stakes were now much higher. The exercise felt electric. There was an immediacy and vulnerability that took over both of us. The one thing that I struggled with was naming her behavior, because she was so gutted. I felt a little repetitive because all I could come up with was “You’re devastated” and “You’re destroyed,” with an occasional “You’re trying to be strong.” Honestly, much of the exercise there was little said because action became more important than words. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, but it felt honest. Really great experience. Feedback was very positive. On reflection, I do wonder if naming emotions is actually naming behavior. We do it a lot in exercises – we say “you’re happy,” or “you’re sad.” Not sure if these are behaviors?
One other question that I meant to ask last night…in one exercise the partners chose the relationship that they were strangers. I question if that is a strong choice, although it did seem to work for the exercise (it was a speed-dating event). I wonder if making the relationship “ex-lovers” or “spouses” might have amped up the circumstances a bit. I suppose it does depend on the other circumstances that were crafted.
We don’t meet next week due to Labor Day.